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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Angry
Spilled
Punch
Cows
Milk
Cry

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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