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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Cry
Angry
Spilled
Punch
Cows
Milk

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
Stephen Colbert
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
Stephen Colbert
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
Stephen Colbert
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
Stephen Colbert
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
Stephen Colbert
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Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
Stephen Colbert
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
Stephen Colbert
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
Stephen Colbert
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In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.
Stephen Colbert
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
Stephen Colbert
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
Stephen Colbert
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And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.
Stephen Colbert
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
Stephen Colbert
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
Stephen Colbert
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
Stephen Colbert
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You gotta learn to love when you're failing.... The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.
Stephen Colbert
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
Stephen Colbert
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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
Stephen Colbert
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I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
Stephen Colbert