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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Back
Gateway
Things
Gateways
Like
Marijuana
Awful
Drug
Lead
Getting
Together
Phish

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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Truthiness is What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true. It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
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I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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You should spend more time with your families write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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