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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Lead
Getting
Together
Phish
Back
Gateway
Things
Gateways
Like
Marijuana
Awful
Drug

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I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable on notice? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
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Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
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Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
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