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There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Management
Labor
Oranges
Relationship
Cooperative
Right
Cooperatives
Much
Wonderfully
Like
Historic
Partnership
Orange
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.
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And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
Stephen Colbert
Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.
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Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
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Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.
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The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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