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There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Labor
Oranges
Relationship
Cooperative
Right
Cooperatives
Much
Wonderfully
Like
Historic
Partnership
Orange
Management

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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
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This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
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I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
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I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
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