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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Agendas
Liberal
Dogs
Turning
Dog
Free
Gluten
Lesbian
Agenda

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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in.
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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To quote from another gospel, DUNE by Frank Herbert, 'Fear is the mind-killer.' ... Jesus was the original Muad'dib.
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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