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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Faith
President
Take
Coins
Right
Romney
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Currency
Really
Value
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Values
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
Stephen Colbert
People would say, Oh, you say you just do jokes. I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.
Stephen Colbert
After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert
I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
Stephen Colbert
Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
Stephen Colbert
There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
Stephen Colbert
Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
Stephen Colbert
I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
Stephen Colbert
Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Stephen Colbert
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Stephen Colbert
Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
Stephen Colbert
I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
Stephen Colbert
I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
Stephen Colbert
I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
Stephen Colbert
My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
Stephen Colbert
Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
Stephen Colbert
If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
Stephen Colbert
Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
Stephen Colbert
It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
Stephen Colbert
