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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Hermaphrodites
Physically
Gay
Impossible
Hermaphrodite

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
Stephen Colbert
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
Stephen Colbert
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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
Stephen Colbert
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
Stephen Colbert
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
Stephen Colbert
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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