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Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Speech
Free
Speak
Hands
Like
Corporations
Mouths
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
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Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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