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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Fact
Facts
Reality
Book
Heart
Like
Books

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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I am no fan of books.
Stephen Colbert
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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Baby carrots are making me gay.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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