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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Audience
Passionate
Sound
Otherwise
Ends
Jokes
Telling
Already
Opinion
Heard
Passion
False

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My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.
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Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
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