Quote

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Else
Cocktails
Someone
Slowly
Anything
Table
Right
Tables
Needs
Clearly
Anybody
Numbers
Nsa
Speak
Cocktail

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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
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And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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