Quote

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Anybody
Nsa
Numbers
Cocktail
Speak
Cocktails
Else
Slowly
Someone
Table
Anything
Tables
Right
Needs
Clearly

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If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
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The more you know, the sadder you get.
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I am no fan of books.
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
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Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
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