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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Gay
Hell
Friends
Wrong
Funny
Nothing
Going
Plenty

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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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I am no fan of books.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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Baby carrots are making me gay.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
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And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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