Quote

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Call
Funny
White
Tell
Believe
People
Officers
Police
Color

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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You gotta learn to love when you're failing.... The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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People would say, Oh, you say you just do jokes. I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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