Quote

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Police
Color
Call
Funny
White
Tell
Believe
People
Officers

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
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The more you know, the sadder you get.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say congratulations.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
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Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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