Quote

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Funny
White
Tell
Believe
People
Officers
Police
Color
Call

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
Stephen Colbert
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
Stephen Colbert
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
Stephen Colbert
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
Stephen Colbert
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We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.
Stephen Colbert
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen Colbert
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
Stephen Colbert
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Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
Stephen Colbert