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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Born
Matter
Would
Grind
Identify
Proud
Clear

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I am no fan of books.
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There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
Stephen Colbert
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
Stephen Colbert
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
Stephen Colbert
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
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If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
Stephen Colbert
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
Stephen Colbert
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I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm impervious to logic.
Stephen Colbert
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
Stephen Colbert
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
Stephen Colbert
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
Stephen Colbert