Quote

Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Soon
Tweet
Start
Forgot
Lasts
Fists
Last
Post
Night
Posts
Today
Rage
Live
Fingers
Election
Tweeting

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
Stephen Colbert
Image
My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
Stephen Colbert
Image
History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
Stephen Colbert
Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm getting angry at liberals.
Stephen Colbert
Image
It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
Stephen Colbert
Image
The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
Stephen Colbert
Image
If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
Stephen Colbert
Image
As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!
Stephen Colbert