Quote

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Men
Complain
People
Complaining
Confused
Hungry
Bring
Also
Breadwinner
Women
Dough
Home
Bacon

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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
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Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
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I am no fan of books.
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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