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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
People
Complaining
Confused
Hungry
Bring
Also
Breadwinner
Women
Dough
Home
Bacon
Men
Complain
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
Stephen Colbert
I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
Stephen Colbert
I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
Stephen Colbert
After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
Stephen Colbert
Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
Stephen Colbert
Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
Stephen Colbert
No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
Stephen Colbert
I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
Stephen Colbert
