Quote

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Also
Breadwinner
Women
Dough
Home
Bacon
Men
Complain
People
Complaining
Confused
Hungry
Bring

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
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Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
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