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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Exercise
Tomorrow
Taking
Duty
Waiting
Patriotic
American
Complaining
Long
Wait
Vote
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
Stephen Colbert
It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
Stephen Colbert
It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
Stephen Colbert
I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
Stephen Colbert
I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
Stephen Colbert
Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
Stephen Colbert
I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
Stephen Colbert
Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
Stephen Colbert
I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
Stephen Colbert
I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.
Stephen Colbert
it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
Stephen Colbert
History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
Stephen Colbert
But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
Stephen Colbert
When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
Stephen Colbert
Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
Stephen Colbert
If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
Stephen Colbert
I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
Stephen Colbert
The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
Stephen Colbert
I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
Stephen Colbert
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
Stephen Colbert
