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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Duty
Waiting
Patriotic
American
Complaining
Long
Wait
Vote
Exercise
Tomorrow
Taking

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
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I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
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If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
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News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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