Quote

After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Call
Nations
Searching
United
Nearly
President
Seek
States
Office
Soul
Nation
Minutes
Heard

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
Stephen Colbert
Image
Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable on notice? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
Stephen Colbert
Image
Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
Stephen Colbert
Image
In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
Stephen Colbert
Image
I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
Image
There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
Stephen Colbert
Image
In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say congratulations.
Stephen Colbert
Image
When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
Stephen Colbert
Image
It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
Stephen Colbert