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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Theologian
Humor
Huge
Trouble
Jesus
Sense
Doesn

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
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