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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Trouble
Jesus
Sense
Doesn
Theologian
Humor
Huge

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
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A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
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Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
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I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
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