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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Believe
Happened
President
Business
Belive
Stills
Wednesday
Change
Tuesday
Still
Decides
Matter
Monday
Something
Believes
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
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