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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Matter
Monday
Something
Believes
Believe
Happened
President
Business
Belive
Stills
Wednesday
Change
Tuesday
Still
Decides

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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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