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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Things
Education
Life
Idea
Making
Improvisation
Inspirational
Graduation
Next
Mostly
Happens
Inspire
Ideas
Along
Going
Happen

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
Stephen Colbert
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.
Stephen Colbert
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
Stephen Colbert
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
Stephen Colbert
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
Stephen Colbert