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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
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More quotes by Stephen Colbert
If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
Stephen Colbert
Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.
Stephen Colbert
The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
Stephen Colbert
Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
Stephen Colbert
I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
Stephen Colbert
So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
Stephen Colbert
You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
Stephen Colbert
You should spend more time with your families write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
Stephen Colbert
Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
Stephen Colbert
I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
Stephen Colbert
We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
Stephen Colbert
It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
Stephen Colbert
I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
Stephen Colbert
They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you
Stephen Colbert
Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
Stephen Colbert
Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
Stephen Colbert
