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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Born
Wedlock
Like
Contraception
Fires
Babies
Leads
Lead
Baby
Fire

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
Stephen Colbert
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
Stephen Colbert
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
Stephen Colbert
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
Stephen Colbert
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Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
Stephen Colbert
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview wrong.
Stephen Colbert
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To quote from another gospel, DUNE by Frank Herbert, 'Fear is the mind-killer.' ... Jesus was the original Muad'dib.
Stephen Colbert
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Stephen Colbert
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
Stephen Colbert
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
Stephen Colbert
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And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Stephen Colbert
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
Stephen Colbert
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Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.
Stephen Colbert
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
Stephen Colbert
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert
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Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.
Stephen Colbert
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
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Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Stephen Colbert