Quote

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Without
Strain
Dry
Marijuana
Humping
Invented
Cannabis
Scientists
Alcoholic
Beer
Celebrated
Scientist
Alcoholics
High
Furious

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
Stephen Colbert
Image
First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
Stephen Colbert
Image
And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
Stephen Colbert
Image
(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
Stephen Colbert
Image
I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
Stephen Colbert
Image
The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
Stephen Colbert
Image
It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
Stephen Colbert
Image
There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
Stephen Colbert
Image
NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.
Stephen Colbert
Image
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
Stephen Colbert
Image
When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
Image
The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
Stephen Colbert