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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Four
Hours
Hypochondria
Googling
Hypochondriac
Obsessively
Symptom
Symptoms
Discovered

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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
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You gotta learn to love when you're failing.... The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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