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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Discovered
Four
Hours
Hypochondria
Googling
Hypochondriac
Obsessively
Symptom
Symptoms

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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
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Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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