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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Sadder
Happier
Didn
Kids
Anything

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
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I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
Stephen Colbert
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Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
Stephen Colbert
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
Stephen Colbert
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
Stephen Colbert
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert
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My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
Stephen Colbert
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
Stephen Colbert