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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Sadder
Happier
Didn
Kids
Anything

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
Stephen Colbert
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What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
Stephen Colbert
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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
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I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
Stephen Colbert
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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
Stephen Colbert
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
Stephen Colbert
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I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
Stephen Colbert
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
Stephen Colbert
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.
Stephen Colbert
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
Stephen Colbert
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
Stephen Colbert
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It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.
Stephen Colbert
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You should spend more time with your families write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
Stephen Colbert
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Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
Stephen Colbert
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
Stephen Colbert
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
Stephen Colbert
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
Stephen Colbert