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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Even
Hair
Published
Sociological
Trust
Revealed
Homosexuals
Least
Recent
Survey
American
Reviews
Luckily
Less
Trusted
Atheists
Sense
Atheist
Surveys
Makes
Group
Review
America
Groups
Homosexual

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
Stephen Colbert
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
Stephen Colbert
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert
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I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
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