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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Created
Beginning
Marriage
Heaven
Darwin
Earth
Monkey
Monkeys
Gay
Sorry
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Stephen Colbert
If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
Stephen Colbert
In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.
Stephen Colbert
Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
Stephen Colbert
Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
Stephen Colbert
I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
Stephen Colbert
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
Stephen Colbert
Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.
Stephen Colbert
If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
Stephen Colbert
My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
Stephen Colbert
The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
Stephen Colbert
Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
Stephen Colbert
I'm impervious to logic.
Stephen Colbert
You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
Stephen Colbert
I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
Stephen Colbert
What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
Stephen Colbert
No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
Stephen Colbert
You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
Stephen Colbert
Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
Stephen Colbert
After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert