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Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Legs
Life
Sorry
Hurt
Stop
Desertion
Prostate
Middle
Offends
Working
Hurts
Fighting
Retirement
War

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
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Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
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They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
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