Quote

Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Hurt
Stop
Desertion
Middle
Prostate
Working
Offends
Fighting
Hurts
War
Retirement
Life
Legs
Sorry

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
Stephen Colbert
Image
it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
Stephen Colbert
Image
(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
Stephen Colbert
Image
First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm getting angry at liberals.
Stephen Colbert
Image
The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
Stephen Colbert
Image
When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
Stephen Colbert