Quote

A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Would
Aren
Loveable
House
Coded
Mother
Sends
Kids
Messy
Home
Dust
Children
Message
Needs
Otherwise
Even
Messages

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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
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You gotta learn to love when you're failing.... The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
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