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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
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House
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Mother
Sends
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Otherwise
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
You should spend more time with your families write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
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Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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Baby carrots are making me gay.
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable on notice? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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