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In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Ignore
Artists
Serious
Artist
America
Way

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
Stephen Colbert
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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I'm impervious to logic.
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Truthiness is What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true. It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.
Stephen Colbert
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.
Stephen Colbert
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
Stephen Colbert