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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Pun
Karl
Pasta
Marx
Communist
Doe

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
Stephen Colbert
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Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.
Stephen Colbert
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
Stephen Colbert
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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Baby carrots are making me gay.
Stephen Colbert
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
Stephen Colbert
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
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Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
Stephen Colbert
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
Stephen Colbert
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If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
Stephen Colbert
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
Stephen Colbert
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
Stephen Colbert
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I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
Stephen Colbert
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I am no fan of books.
Stephen Colbert
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Stephen Colbert