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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Pasta
Marx
Communist
Doe
Pun
Karl

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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
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We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
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It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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