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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Eye
Beautiful
Earth
Children
Standards
Higher
Eyes

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
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You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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