Quote

When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Meetings
Excited
Instead
Commoner
Matter
Commoners
Important
Vomit
Nearest
Royalty
Meeting

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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
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I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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Baby carrots are making me gay.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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