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Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Shame
Orphans
Atheism
Gays
Religious
Orphan
Rather
Agnostic
Jesus
Atheist
Family
Gay
Remember
Would
Constantly
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.
Stephen Colbert
Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
Stephen Colbert
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Stephen Colbert
It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
Stephen Colbert
In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.
Stephen Colbert
What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
Stephen Colbert
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
Stephen Colbert
Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
Stephen Colbert
In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
Stephen Colbert
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Stephen Colbert
I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen Colbert
In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
Stephen Colbert
I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
Stephen Colbert
The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.
Stephen Colbert
We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.
Stephen Colbert
To quote from another gospel, DUNE by Frank Herbert, 'Fear is the mind-killer.' ... Jesus was the original Muad'dib.
Stephen Colbert
I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
Stephen Colbert
I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
Stephen Colbert
I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
Stephen Colbert
