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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Scientist
Either
Form
Nasa
Life
Nerd
Date
Unfortunately
Scientists
Discovered

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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Truthiness is What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true. It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
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Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
Stephen Colbert
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
Stephen Colbert
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert