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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Life
Nerd
Date
Unfortunately
Scientists
Discovered
Scientist
Either
Form
Nasa
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
To quote from another gospel, DUNE by Frank Herbert, 'Fear is the mind-killer.' ... Jesus was the original Muad'dib.
Stephen Colbert
Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
Stephen Colbert
History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
Stephen Colbert
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
Stephen Colbert
Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
Stephen Colbert
I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
Stephen Colbert
If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
Stephen Colbert
If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
Stephen Colbert
If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
Stephen Colbert
Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
Stephen Colbert
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
Stephen Colbert
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Stephen Colbert
Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
Stephen Colbert
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
Stephen Colbert
I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
Stephen Colbert
To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
Stephen Colbert
If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
Stephen Colbert
Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
Stephen Colbert
Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
Stephen Colbert
I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
Stephen Colbert
