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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Date
Unfortunately
Scientists
Discovered
Scientist
Either
Form
Nasa
Life
Nerd
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
I am no fan of books.
Stephen Colbert
I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
Stephen Colbert
A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
Stephen Colbert
If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
Stephen Colbert
Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
Stephen Colbert
The more you know, the sadder you get.
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
Stephen Colbert
I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
Stephen Colbert
I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
Stephen Colbert
Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
Stephen Colbert
There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
Stephen Colbert
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Stephen Colbert
News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
Stephen Colbert
If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
Stephen Colbert
Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
Stephen Colbert
Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
Stephen Colbert
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
Stephen Colbert
I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
Stephen Colbert
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert
